Relationships and identity
Since 2012 we have held a medically supervised iboga retreat on the Mayan Riviera near Cancun, Mexico. A traditional Missoko Bwiti ceremony is paired with a psychologist, then three months of follow-up at home. Guests who keep everyone at a distance often describe a night of feeling what they had set aside, then more room for closeness. If you pull away when someone gets close, here is how we help, and what else does.
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Room for Others
Avoidant attachment: the ceremony, the numbers, the research and how to prepare.
How it works
Avoidant attachment is not a diagnosis or a personality disorder. It is a pattern: relying only on yourself, finding closeness uncomfortable, playing down how much people matter. It made sense once. What we offer is a supervised night of looking at your life from outside, in a small group, at a pace you agree to. Then come three months of calls to bring what you saw into your relationships.
No study has tested iboga or ibogaine for avoidant attachment. What follows is our experience with 7,677 guests since 2012. We offer it alongside therapy, never in place of it.
Many people who hold others at a distance also hold their own signals at a distance: tiredness, tension, low mood. Every guest has a medical screening with bloodwork before travel. The physician stays in the room through the ceremony.
The Missoko Bwiti tradition of Gabon begins with the person, not the problem. In the night, guests often describe meeting feelings they had learned to set aside. Some see the moments when relying on others first felt unsafe.
Tania, our psychologist, helps you choose small steps toward the people in your life: one honest conversation, asking for help once. Three months of integration calls carry you through the urge to pull back.
How iboga acts on the brain
Researchers think the brain's own opioid system helps hold close bonds together in primates. In the body, ibogaine becomes noribogaine, which lingers for days. In lab studies, noribogaine acts at kappa opioid receptors, part of the stress system, and weakly at mu receptors. In theory, this could touch the guarded, braced state that keeps people apart. It has never been tested in people, and no study links ibogaine to oxytocin or attachment.
In rats, a single dose switched on growth-factor genes in reward circuits and the prefrontal cortex. That may relate to loosening fixed habits, but it is animal work, not proof in people. The strongest human study so far, published in Nature Medicine in 2024, followed 30 veterans who had large drops in PTSD, depression and anxiety a month after supervised ibogaine. It had no control group, and it did not look at attachment. Read more in How iboga works.
What we have seen since 2012
Since 2012, with 7,677 guests, we have seen a traditional treatment help people with this kind of struggle, sometimes profoundly and lastingly.
Guests who arrive guarded often tell us they felt, for the first time in years, how much certain people mattered to them. Some describe calling a parent, a partner or a friend in the weeks after, to say something they had never said. Others describe the night as hard, with old feelings they had kept away. Not everyone feels this, and the pull to withdraw can return. This is our experience, not a clinical study.
Who holds it
Michael and Cory open and hold the ceremony; Tania, our psychologist with close to a decade at Mexico's National Institute of Psychiatry, screens for what iboga cannot hold and carries the integration; Dr Villarreal keeps the body safe.
Safety
Every guest is screened by our physician and our psychologist before a date is confirmed. You must be 18 or older, and iboga is never given during pregnancy or breastfeeding. A heart check is part of every screening: read how we protect your heart.
People who keep their distance can find a loss of control hard. In a small psilocybin study, those higher in avoidance had more challenging experiences. So we prepare you for difficult material and for the feeling of letting go. The practitioner paces each dose. You can stop at any time.
It is common to play down symptoms, so the psychologist uses structured questions about mood, thoughts of ending your life and substance use. With your consent, she may also speak to someone close to you or to your doctor. We screen for dissociation and any history of psychosis. Mania has been reported after unsupervised ibogaine in people with no history of it, so we ask about past highs in you or your family. Some antidepressants change how the body handles iboga. Never stop a medicine on your own; our physician plans any change with your prescribing doctor.
Who it is for
The psychologist and the physician decide together. Sometimes the answer is a later date.
Adults 18 and over who keep people at arm's length: who feel crowded by closeness, end things when they get serious, or rarely ask for help. Often a partner raised it first. You are willing to try small steps toward others at home, with a therapist or in couple therapy.
Active psychosis or recent mania, acute suicidality, an unstable eating disorder, a medication that cannot be tapered in time, or pregnancy. If you are coming only because someone else wants you to, we will talk about that first: the choice has to be yours.
Why it is hard
Keeping your distance works in the short run: if you never need anyone, no one can fail you. In a US national sample of 8,080 adults, 25% described an avoidant style. Hard early relationships are linked to insecure attachment, though a link is not a cause.
Because the strategy works, people high in avoidance often see no problem and seek help less; partners often notice first. In therapy, insecure attachment goes with slower progress on average. Avoidant attachment is also different from avoidant personality disorder, which is a separate diagnosis.
How to cope
Attachment security can grow, slowly. Across 36 studies with 3,158 patients, people tended to become more secure during psychotherapy, and gains in security went with better outcomes.
Start by noticing the moment you pull back: a change of subject, a sudden busy week, a fresh doubt about the other person. Name it, then stay a little longer than feels comfortable. Small, honest steps count, like saying what you feel once, or letting someone help.
Individual therapy with a focus on relationships is a good place to start. If you are in a couple, emotionally focused couple therapy reduced couple distress across 33 randomized trials, though it was not tested on avoidance itself. You may also find our pages on loneliness and complex trauma useful. For the other side of the pattern, read about fear of abandonment.
If distance turns into hopelessness or thoughts of ending your life, call or text 988 in the United States or Canada, at any hour.
For information and referrals in the United States, the NAMI HelpLine is at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), Monday to Friday, 10 am to 10 pm ET; it is not a crisis line. In Canada, dial 2-1-1 to find services near you.
Dates
Open retreats and the dedicated veterans' dates. Eight guests each; full list on the schedule.
Distance kept you safe for a long time. You do not have to give it up all at once, only find out what closeness might feel like now.
Pricing, US dollars
All inclusive from Cancún airport: screening, ceremonies, room, meals, three months of follow-up. All payments are final, see the terms. Full pricing.
Questions about avoidant attachment
A pattern of keeping emotional distance, relying only on yourself and playing down how much relationships matter.
About 25% of US adults described an avoidant style in one national survey of 8,080 people. The data is old and self-reported.
No. It is a pattern described in attachment research, not a diagnosis. Avoidant personality disorder is a separate diagnosis.
Yes, though change is slow. Therapy studies show attachment security can grow during treatment.
Avoidant attachment describes discomfort with closeness and dependence. It does not mean someone cannot love; many guests describe deep feelings they had learned to keep quiet.
Avoidant attachment pulls away from closeness. Anxious attachment seeks more of it and fears losing it. Read more on fear of abandonment.
Relationship-focused individual therapy, or emotionally focused couple therapy if you are in a couple.
In one small study of 18 men given psilocybin with group therapy, attachment avoidance did not change, while attachment anxiety fell. Those results do not carry over to ibogaine, and no study has tested iboga for avoidance.
It can be. In that study, people higher in avoidance had more challenging experiences. We prepare you for it, pace the doses, and stay beside you all night.
No study has tested it, so we make no claim that it works. Guests describe feeling how much certain people matter, then taking small steps toward them at home, with therapy and our integration calls.
Often, with a plan. Some antidepressants change how the body handles iboga, so our physician reviews every medicine with your prescribing doctor. Never stop or change one on your own.
You've carried this long enough. Start with a conversation with our medical team.
