How to Stop Love Addiction: Iboga and Codependency

How it works, in motion

Four stages, one meter of how good everyday life feels: the rush of a message, the crash when it does not come, the opening the iboga night may bring, and what matters after. Press play, or tap a stage.

One message from them lifts the whole day.
For a moment, you feel chosen and safe.
Silence feels unbearable, so you check, wait, chase, give more.
The highs get shorter. The fear of losing them grows.
After the iboga night, many guests describe distance from the longing.
An opening, not an ending. The work continues after.
Then you care for the need the relationship was covering.
Often an old fear of being left. Around the fire, you look at it and choose love that does not cost you yourself.

A simplified picture of how a pattern can change everyday feeling, not a measurement. No study has tested iboga or ibogaine for love addiction, codependency or attachment; the third stage describes what guests report. The fourth describes the tradition's understanding, not a medical claim.

What iboga does for the body

What we have seen since 2012. We have welcomed more than 7,677 guests since 2012. Some came after a breakup they could not get past, or a string of relationships that kept ending the same way. What they describe after the ceremony is distance from the longing, with a clearer view of what they were really looking for in the other person.

This is our experience, not a clinical trial. No published research has studied iboga or ibogaine for love addiction, codependency or attachment, so there is no evidence either way. We pair the ceremony with therapy and three months of follow-up.

What the research covers. Ibogaine has been studied for substance use, never for relationships. Anything we say about love addiction is by analogy, not evidence.
The parallel. Small brain scan studies show reward and craving regions light up when recently rejected people see a photo of the person who left. That is part of why the pull feels so physical. Whether that makes it an addiction is still a hypothesis.
The mechanism. Ibogaine and its long-lived metabolite noribogaine act on the serotonin transporter, on opioid and NMDA receptors, and in animal research on growth factors such as GDNF. Read How iboga works.

What guests describe is less a chemical reset than a distance from the urge to reach out, with a clearer view of what it was doing for them. The phone, the ex, the apps will still be there when you get home, so the boundaries, the therapist and the plan all need to be in place.

What the ritual does for the soul

The Bwiti tradition of Gabon does not begin with the habit. It begins with the person. A dependence, in this reading, means that some part of the self has gone without care for a long time, and the habit has settled into the space it left.

Love addiction has its own face in this light. Another person becomes the place where worth and safety live, so their attention feels like air, their silence like danger. In the night, guests describe seeing the pattern from outside: the old wound under it, often from long before this relationship, the part of them still waiting to be chosen.

The ritual gives that seeing a frame. The nganga, initiated in the Missoko lineage, opens the space and keeps it protected. At the fire talk you say your intention aloud, in front of the fire and the others. The medicine is given in steps, and each person is watched. Through the night the ngombi harp and the mongongo mouth bow guide the traveler, and the practitioner's clearings and protections help release what has been carried too long. At dawn the ceremony is closed. In the life review the next day, what came up is put into words and given its place, along with the way you want to love at home. Belief is not required. Telling the truth helps.

One night, one life (1 min 18): the loop, the fire, the roots, and the ninety days after. Real photographs of our center and ceremony; the silhouette, roots and data are drawn. The ninety-day curves are illustrative.

The program, step by step

Love addiction does not need a medical detox, so most guests join one of our standard psycho-spiritual programs; the psychologist helps you decide which fits. See programs and cost. If alcohol or other substances are part of the picture, the physician may recommend the detox program instead.

Discovery call and screening. The honest picture: the relationship or the pattern, your mood, your safety at home, medications, alcohol. Medical screening and full bloodwork.
Preparation before travel. A decision about contact while you are away, dating apps paused, any medication changes planned with your doctor.
Arrival. Rest, food, vitals, the first fire talk without medicine.
Ceremonies. At night, with the practitioner pacing the doses and the medical team present.
Processing and integration. The life review, time with the psychologist, a plan for the lonely evenings, the urge to text, the first time you see them again.
Three months after. Four integration calls through the months when the pull can return. Reaching out once is information, not failure; call.

ScreeningBloodwork, medications, mood, safety

before travel

Space to breatheA plan for contact, dating apps paused

before the first dose

CeremoniesThe practitioner, the medical team in the palapa

the nights

Processing and integrationLife review, the psychologist, a plan for the lonely evenings

days between

Three months afterThrough the months when the pull returns

at home

applicationarrivaldepartureday 90

The space comes before the medicine. The months after carry you through the season when the pull can return.

Love addiction and iboga: safety

With no substance to stop, the risks are about your medicines, your mood, your safety, whatever else comes with it.

The heart. Iboga affects heart rhythm, so every guest has an ECG with a full medical screening; read how we protect your heart.
Medications. Tell us about every medicine, especially any antidepressant. Ibogaine is cleared by the liver enzyme CYP2D6, and drugs such as paroxetine, fluoxetine and bupropion block it; in one study paroxetine roughly doubled exposure to the active drug. Some other antidepressants, such as citalopram or escitalopram, also need special care. Never stop a medication on your own. The physician plans any change with your prescribing doctor.
Mood and history. Heartbreak can bring depression, anxiety or thoughts of ending your life. Tell us about these, now or in the past, along with any history of dissociation or psychosis, so the psychologist can prepare your stay with you or point you to care at home first.
Your safety at home. If you are in a relationship where you feel afraid, tell us. We will help you think about safety first. In the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE), or text START to 88788.
Alcohol and other drugs. Heavy drinking, benzodiazepines or stimulants change the plan. Alcohol and benzodiazepines need a medical taper or stabilization first, and iboga is never given during benzodiazepine withdrawal.

Read Safety and medical protocol and Can iboga kill you?

Who it is for

Adults, 18 or over, who keep returning to relationships that hurt them, who cannot get past a breakup despite trying, or who lose themselves in every partner, and who want to understand what the longing does for them, not only resist it. It is not for anyone whose medical screening cannot be cleared, anyone in benzodiazepine withdrawal, anyone in an acute suicidal crisis, which needs care at home first, or anyone sent against their will. If you are in danger at home, safety comes before a retreat. The discovery call is where this is decided, kindly and without judgment.

Why it is so hard to let go

The pull is real in the body. In a brain scan study of 15 people who had been rejected but were still in love, seeing the ex-partner's photo activated reward and craving regions, the same areas involved in wanting. That activity faded as more time passed since the breakup (Fisher and colleagues, 2010). In another study of 40 people after an unwanted breakup, seeing the ex activated regions linked to physical pain, though other researchers argue it may reflect how strongly the image stands out (Kross and colleagues, 2011).

Both studies are small, and neither proves that love is an addiction. They do help explain why letting go can feel like withdrawal, and why willpower alone so often fails. Old patterns matter too: insecure attachment has been linked to hard experiences in childhood, an association rather than a cause.

Codependency, anxious attachment and dating apps

"Love addiction" and "codependency" are not diagnoses, in the DSM-5-TR or in the WHO's ICD-11. They are descriptive words. Reviews describe love addiction as craving and pursuing a relationship despite harm, though definitions vary (Sanches and John, 2019). Codependency usually means organizing your life around another person's needs. How common is it? One team of researchers speculated about 3 percent of US adults, based on small samples (Sussman and colleagues, 2011); no reliable figure exists for codependency.

Anxious attachment is a research idea, not a disorder: a strong fear of being left, with a need for constant reassurance. In a US sample of 8,080 adults, 59 percent described themselves as secure, 25 percent as avoidant, 11 percent as anxious (Mickelson, Kessler and Shaver, 1997). The data are old, but the pattern is familiar to many people.

Dating apps are now part of the picture for many people: three in ten US adults have used a dating site or app, according to a Pew Research Center survey of 6,034 adults in July 2022. In the same survey, many recent users said they often or sometimes felt disappointed. No study has shown that apps cause love addiction. If you find yourself swiping to soothe a breakup, or checking for matches the way you once checked for their texts, a pause is worth trying.

How to stop love addiction

Start with distance. Decide on a period of no contact, then mute or block the person if you need to, and archive the old messages where you will not reread them. Pause dating apps for a while, so you are not looking for the next person to fill the gap. Tell one friend what you are doing, then call them when the urge to reach out is strongest. Notice what comes just before the urge: loneliness, boredom, a late night. Look for a therapist who works with attachment, such as with CBT or schema therapy. A twelve-step group such as S.L.A.A. or CoDA can be a place to be understood. Be patient: the pull fades in waves, not all at once.

What letting go feels like

There is no fixed timeline for getting over someone. What people often describe looks like this.

What letting go of a relationship can feel like over time
When	What people often describe
The first days	A strong urge to check their profile or write. Poor sleep, little appetite, replaying conversations. Some people feel a physical ache.
The first weeks	Waves of longing, often at night or on weekends. Bargaining: one message, just to know. Loneliness where the relationship used to be.
The first months	For many people the waves come less often, though a song, a date or a sighting can bring them back. Reaching out once is common; it is information, not failure.
Later	There is no finish line. What changes is where your worth lives: friends, your own life, a calmer kind of love.

If heartbreak or low mood ever turns into thoughts of ending your life, call or text 988 in the United States or Canada, or go to an emergency room.

What works without iboga

Most of what helps is therapy plus support. No trial has tested any treatment for "love addiction" itself, but there is good evidence for the depression or anxiety that often comes with it.

CBT. Cognitive behavioral therapy has strong evidence for depression or anxiety, which often travel with this pattern.
Schema therapy. It works on deep fears of abandonment or dependence. Evidence for this exact problem is low; it is stronger for borderline personality disorder.
Couples therapy. Emotionally focused therapy has moderate evidence for couple distress: a review of 33 trials with 2,730 participants found a clear benefit at the end of therapy, though gains faded over time.
Groups. S.L.A.A. (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, slaafws.org, founded 1976) or CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous, coda.org, founded 1986) hold meetings. They are peer support, not tested in trials.

There is no helpline for love addiction. The NAMI HelpLine (1-800-950-6264, Monday to Friday, 10 am to 10 pm ET) offers mental health information or referrals; it is not a crisis line. In Canada, dial 211. If you are afraid of a partner, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Questions people ask

Does iboga work for love addiction?

No study has tested it, so there is no evidence either way. Ibogaine research covers substance use. We offer the retreat as a supervised opening alongside therapy: a few days away from the phone, a night that looks at what the longing was covering, and three months of support.

Is love addiction a real diagnosis?

No. It is not in the DSM-5-TR or the WHO's ICD-11, nor is codependency. They are descriptive terms. The pain behind them is real, and it is worth help whatever it is called.

What is the difference between codependency and love addiction?

Both are informal terms. Codependency usually means organizing your life around another person's needs. Love addiction means craving and pursuing a relationship despite harm. Many people see something of themselves in both.

What are the signs of love addiction?

Reviews describe craving contact, losing control over contact, staying or returning despite harm. In daily life it can look like checking their profile for hours, rebuilding your days around their messages, or moving straight from one relationship to the next to avoid being alone.

Why does a breakup hurt so much?

Small brain scan studies show that seeing an ex activates reward regions, along with regions linked to physical pain. The pain finding is debated. Either way, it helps explain why a breakup can feel like a body blow, not only a sad thought.

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

There is no fixed timeline. In one small brain scan study, the activity linked to attachment faded as more time passed since the breakup. Distance from the person, support from friends, time all help. If months pass with no easing, it is worth seeing a therapist.

How do I stop being codependent?

Therapy, such as CBT or schema therapy, and peer groups like CoDA are the common routes, though trial evidence is limited. Start small: notice when you say yes to avoid someone's disappointment, then practice one small no. Your needs count too.

How do I heal anxious attachment?

Attachment patterns can shift through therapy and steady, reliable relationships, though the evidence is mostly observational. A therapist who works with attachment can help you notice the fear of being left as it rises, then respond to it instead of obeying it.

Can you be addicted to a person?

It can feel exactly like that, and some researchers propose it as an analogy. It remains a hypothesis, not a finding. What matters is whether the pattern is costing you your health, your work or your sense of self.

How common is love addiction?

No one knows for sure. One research team speculated about 3 percent of US adults, based on small, nonrepresentative samples. There is no reliable figure for codependency. Anxious attachment, a related idea, was reported by 11 percent of adults in an older US survey.

Should I delete dating apps?

No study shows that apps cause love addiction, but if swiping has become a way to numb a breakup or chase reassurance, a pause is worth trying. Three in ten US adults have used a dating site or app, according to Pew Research Center; using them is not the problem. Using them to avoid feeling alone can be.

What if I am afraid of my partner?

Your safety comes first, before any retreat. In the US, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. Tell us on the discovery call, and we will help you think it through.

What if I go back to them after the retreat?

Then you call us. Reaching out, or going back, is information about what still needs care, not proof that nothing changed. The integration calls are there for exactly that season, as is your therapist or group. Look gently at what led to it.

Which program is right for love addiction?

Most guests join one of our standard psycho-spiritual programs; the psychologist helps you choose. There is no drug to clear, so no detox is needed. If alcohol or other substances are part of the picture, the physician may recommend a different plan.

How to stop love addiction, and how iboga can help