Relationships and identity
Since 2012 we have held a medically supervised iboga retreat on the Mayan Riviera near Cancun, Mexico. A traditional Missoko Bwiti ceremony is paired with a psychologist, then three months of follow-up at home. Guests caught in longing for one person often describe a night that turns their attention back to their own life. If someone fills your thoughts from morning to night, here is how we help, and what else does.
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Back to Yourself
Limerence: the ceremony, the numbers, the research and how to prepare.
How it works
Limerence is a popular word, not a medical diagnosis, and you are not foolish for feeling it. A retreat will not make the longing vanish. What we offer is a supervised night of looking at your life from outside, with eight guests around one fire. Then comes help to keep your attention on your own life at home.
No study has tested iboga or ibogaine for limerence. What follows is our experience with 7,677 guests since 2012. We offer it alongside therapy, never in place of it.
Months of longing often come with poor sleep, low mood or anxiety, so we look at the whole picture. Every guest has a medical screening with bloodwork before travel. The physician stays in the room through the ceremony.
The Missoko Bwiti tradition of Gabon begins with the person, not the problem. At the fire talk you say your intention aloud. In the night, guests often describe seeing what the other person stood for: a wish to be chosen, an old ache, a life put on hold.
Tania, our psychologist, helps you turn what you saw into steps: fewer checks, less contact, more time for your own plans. Three months of integration calls carry you through the weeks when a message or a glance pulls you back.
How iboga acts on the brain
Limerence often works like a craving loop: intrusive thoughts, a rush of hope at a small sign, a low when it does not come. In the body, ibogaine becomes noribogaine, which lingers for days. In lab studies, noribogaine acts on the kappa opioid system, part of the brain's stress circuitry. Ibogaine also blocks a nicotinic receptor that animal research links to craving. In theory, these could touch the reward loop that keeps longing going.
In rats, a single dose switched on growth-factor genes in reward circuits and the prefrontal cortex. That may relate to getting unstuck from fixed loops, but it is animal work, not proof in people. The strongest human study so far, published in Nature Medicine in 2024, followed 30 veterans who had large drops in PTSD, depression and anxiety a month after supervised ibogaine. It had no control group, and it did not look at limerence. Read more in How iboga works.
What we have seen since 2012
Since 2012, with 7,677 guests, we have seen a traditional treatment help people with this kind of struggle, sometimes profoundly and lastingly.
Guests caught in limerence often tell us the other person took up less room afterwards. Some describe seeing the longing as their own, about something they missed long before they met that person. Others describe grief first, then a quieter mind in the weeks after. Not everyone feels this, and for some the longing returns, which is what integration is for. This is our experience, not a clinical study.
Who holds it
Michael and Cory open and hold the ceremony; Tania, our psychologist with close to a decade at Mexico's National Institute of Psychiatry, screens for what iboga cannot hold and carries the integration; Dr Villarreal keeps the body safe.
Safety
Every guest is screened by our physician and our psychologist before a date is confirmed. You must be 18 or older, and iboga is never given during pregnancy or breastfeeding. A heart check is part of every screening: read how we protect your heart.
Limerence often travels with low mood, anxiety or dissociation, so the psychologist asks about each one, including any thoughts of ending your life. Iboga brings a long, dream-like state, which is why dissociation matters here. Mania has been reported after unsupervised ibogaine in people with no history of it, so we ask about past highs in you or your family. Some antidepressants change how the body handles iboga. Never stop a medicine on your own; our physician plans any change with your prescribing doctor.
We also ask about the person you long for. The retreat is for you, not a grand gesture toward them. If there is a no-contact order, or anyone feels unsafe, we talk about it openly before going further.
Who it is for
The psychologist and the physician decide together. Sometimes the answer is a later date.
Adults 18 and over stuck in longing for one person: a colleague, an ex, a friend, someone they barely know. People who have tried to let go and keep sliding back, who want to understand what the longing is about. You are willing to keep working on it at home, with a therapist or a group.
Active psychosis or recent mania, acute suicidality, an unstable eating disorder, a medication that cannot be tapered in time, or pregnancy. Severe or worsening dissociation needs care first. If the retreat is really about the other person, to impress them or win them back, we will ask you to wait.
Why it is hard
Limerence is an intense, involuntary longing for one person, usually unreturned. Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the word in 1979. It is not in the DSM-5-TR or ICD-11, and the first validated questionnaire appeared only in 2025. In a 2026 study, thoughts of the person filled about half of waking thought, worst when people felt sad or lonely.
Small signs of hope, a glance or a message, may keep the loop going, as Tennov described. Researchers have linked limerence with hard childhoods, insecure attachment, obsessive traits and daydreaming that takes over daily life. These are links, not causes. In the largest study, of 1,647 people, an episode lasted about two years.
How to cope
There is no tested method for limerence yet. What follows borrows from approaches with evidence for related problems, and from what our psychologist sees work.
Treat it like an obsession, not a love story. Notice the rituals that feed it: checking their profile, rereading messages, replaying a conversation. Then cut them one at a time. In one case study, CBT with exposure and response prevention, borrowed from OCD care, eased the rituals within nine months.
Limit contact where you can. Give the time the daydreams took to sleep, movement and people who are glad to see you. If depression, anxiety or OCD sit underneath, each has strong, tested treatments, so ask a doctor or therapist. You may also find our page on love addiction useful, or the one on loneliness if the longing grows in quiet evenings. If you fear being left, read our page on fear of abandonment.
If the longing turns into hopelessness or thoughts of ending your life, call or text 988 in the United States or Canada, at any hour.
In the United States you can also text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. For peer support, S.L.A.A. (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) runs free twelve-step meetings: slaafws.org.
Dates
Open retreats and the dedicated veterans' dates. Eight guests each; full list on the schedule.
Longing for someone is not a flaw. Underneath it there is usually a need of your own, and it deserves care.
Pricing, US dollars
All inclusive from Cancún airport: screening, ceremonies, room, meals, three months of follow-up. All payments are final, see the terms. Full pricing.
Questions about limerence
An intense, involuntary longing for one specific person, usually unreturned. It comes with intrusive thoughts and a hunger for signs they feel the same. Psychologist Dorothy Tennov named it in 1979.
No. It is not in the DSM-5-TR or ICD-11, and there are no formal diagnostic criteria. It can still cause real distress, and it often comes with anxiety or low mood.
In the largest study, of 1,647 people who identified with it, an episode lasted about two years, with about five across adult life. People chose to take part, so these are not population figures.
Definitions vary. Limerence centers on uncertainty and a longing for the feeling to be returned. Love tends to grow from knowing someone over time.
It shares intrusive thoughts and rituals such as checking. Researchers also link it to obsessive traits. That is why some therapists borrow methods from OCD care.
One study linked it with adverse childhood experiences and insecure attachment. A link is not a cause. If your past weighs on you, see our page on complex trauma.
No study has tested iboga or ibogaine for limerence, so we make no claim that it works. What guests describe since 2012 is the other person taking up less room, with a clearer view of their own needs. The change comes after, with therapy and the integration calls.
There is no need. The retreat is for you, and we encourage guests to keep it separate from the person they long for.
Often, with a plan. Some antidepressants change how the body handles iboga, so our physician reviews every medicine with your prescribing doctor. Never stop or change one on your own.
If the longing fills most of your day, costs you work or friendships, or brings hopelessness, talk to a doctor or therapist. In a crisis, call or text 988 in the United States or Canada.
You've carried this long enough. Start with a conversation with our medical team.
